By Any Other Name...

Yeah, yeah, I know, I SUCK, so remiss in terms of updating this thing. I'm sorry about that, to all my 2.5 devoted readers. I'm ok. Fine. Alive and kicking. Coping here in the big crazy apple. Kinda. It's somewhat hard to blog when your life feels just sort of ok. Not tragic and falling off the rails. Not awesomeriffic and full-speed ahead. Just ok. And I guess that is where I am right now.

Now that the euphoria of my recent quittage has worn off (yes, for those of you who didn't quite get my last post, uhhhh, yeah, I quit. Quit my fellowship. Quit medicine. Just plain quit), I'm beginning to feel the weight of my decision, the pressure to find a new job and regain some financial stability, and to begin to answer the question "who the hell am I anyway and what am I doing with my life???"
I don't have the answer to that question, and I guess that hasn't changed. My anxiety hasn't changed. My constant worry about what is going to happen next hasn't changed. Yes, that constant oppressive, I-can't-see-straight-or-get-enough-sleep-or-sanity-to-function effect seems to be wearing off now that I am not chained to a pager or stuck in a hospital 70 hours a week. And that is a change for the better. I am looking for other jobs/careers, and top of the list believe it or not, is a consulting job at McKinsey. Yep. I may be trading in a pager for a Blackberry. Which was not one of the goals on the Help-Brainygirl-Get-a-Life-Back 12-step plan, but it just seems to be the right course of action right now. As I so eloquently put in my cover letter, although little girls may dream of becoming a physician, rarely do they dream of becoming consultants. But that doesn't mean it isn't a ridiculously good fit for me. Sure, I'm scared shitless about the financial/business/timesucking/travel portion of the endeavour, but a lot of it is me to a T. So I'm going to give it a shot. I just hope I'm not doing the same thing I always do: picking the hardest most prestigious thing that I ain't good at and going for it at the expense of my freedom and sanity. Yikes. That is a scary proposition. But one I am now aware of and wise to and will quickly bail out of should it epically suck the bag. No thorns for me...

So, it's Bachelor season again, and yes, I can't help being addicted to the romantic psychodrama that is one man vs 25 dumb blonde stick-figure women. However, I gotta say this bachelor (a marine, doctor, 6-time Ironman, humanitarian, Ken doll!!!!!!!!!!!) is impressing me with his choices. He is down to 6 (well, 4 after tonight) women who I have to admit are pretty but not necessarily the hottest of the bunch, smart, sophosticated, older, decent girls. Bravo, Andy! I'm putting my vote in now that it is going to be Tessa who wins in the end, despite the amazing chemistry with Bevin (she is just a bit of a nutter). Ok, now you all have to watch the show to keep up!

And speaking of my own private Bachelorette does Manhattan...yeah...I'm not going to tell you! Some of you know. Some of you have even met him (!). I'll leave it at this: I am very, very, very shocked, surprised, happy, and amazed that I have finally found a real man. Someone sensitive, supersmart, funny, really mature and caring and respectful. Wow. Just when I was about to take myself out of the game for good. Now, I have no predictions as to how this will play out (sure I do...!), but I am taking it one day at a time and so far so great. It's been too early to blog about it, and since it is the major event in my life, well, I haven't been blogging! Sorry! And I still don't really want to. I think that relationships really need to be played out between the two parties involved (except in some Mormon communities) in order to thrive and be healthy and successful. So, you won't find me waxing poetic, hashing out my doubts and insecurities, or questioning his behaviour on these pages. Not going to do it. It's time I make my own choices, decisions and take responsability for being in an adult relationship and really own that. Hell, everyone else seems to be able to do it, I just don't know why it has taken me so long to find someone worthy! I just hope I'm not too damaged to make it work.
Well, I'm off to bed. Too much studying (yes, believe it or not I take my US neurology boards next week - NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!).
Go, Rangers! (yes, that is live at Madison Square Gardens!!! My first hockey game!!!).

Comments

[brownamazon]

Hey chica! Happy stinko de mayo! In terms of consulting, only two words matter: billable hours. R can tell you aaallll about it :)